“Woo Hoo ! I got a golden ticket”
And just like that, One Nation Senator Malcolm Roberts is on his way to the Willy Wonka Chocolate factory. Well, not quite – but close. It’s Donald Trump’s Presidential inauguration. That’s a big deal. The Senator has been a huge fan of Mr Trump from the beginning. He’s learnt all he knows about global warming from The Donald. Malcolm Roberts says he got a special invitation.
“Nah nah… where’s ‘your’ ticket?” he taunted the PM.
The fact that he stalked and pestered the government for ages to get that invite is beside the point. Malcolm Roberts was destined to go. He would certainly be the President elect’s, first choice to represent tin foil hat wearers the world over – all he had to do was get a ticket. He probably tried to buy one online first. As you do.
Maybe he stayed up all night at the computer – wanted to get a good seat before they sold out. When the ticket sales opened, he’d be onto Ticketek before you can say, ‘anthropological climate change’. These big events sell out fast. But the online strategy must have failed because it wasn’t long before he was nagging the Department of Foreign Affairs, probably accusing them of concealing the number of invites they had. At this point, Senator Roberts must have been desperate not to miss this historic event.
Turns out those tickets aren’t the hottest items in town and trolling DFAT finally landed one for Malcolm Roberts. So who did he bump to get it ? Maybe he got Elton John’s ticket. Elton refused to let Donald play his songs at the Trump rallies – Benny and the Jets snubs The Donald. Senator Roberts will be disappointed. I’m sure he was looking forward to a duet with Elton – Don’t let the sun go down on me. If not the Rocket Man, then perhaps he got the nod after singer Charlotte Church turned down an invitation using four piles of poo.
With many other artists feeling a bit awkward performing for the highly combustible President elect, Senator Roberts might be concerned the entertainment provided won’t be up to scratch. But he needn’t worry. Jackie Evancho, a former “America’s Got Talent” contestant will sing the national anthem. Jackie hopes everyone will forget about Donald and enjoy the pretty song. That’s the spirit. And if the Senator wants to rock the night away and is worried about the other headline acts, well, you really can’t go past the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Woo Hoo! Let’s party!
But first, Malcolm Roberts will be anxious to find out who he’s sitting next to at the inauguration. No one wants to be stuck, sitting beside some boring person – a fact free, science denying, know all. The Clintons are attending but it’s doubtful they’ll be much fun at the event. The One Nation Senator will steer clear of that somber group. And if he wants to sidle up next to the rock star, Canadian PM Justin Trudeau – well, he’s out of luck. Mr Trudeau says he’s got a prior meeting – touring Canada and talking to anyone who isn’t Donald Trump. But there’ll be plenty of seats in the Democratic section. So far, about 22 members of Congress are boycotting the occasion. They’re concerned Russian hackers will turn the ceremony into the 4th inauguration of Vladimir Putin.
But as it turns out, Malcolm Roberts has decided not to go to Donald Trump’s big day. The Senator says he’s having treatment for a hernia – vital organs trying to leave his body. But maybe what he’s really worried about is falling attendance at the ceremony. Pauline Hanson can’t make it and a whole bunch of others are pulling out. After all, he doesn’t want to be Larry Lonely at the inauguration.
But if he’s not attending, what was all that bragging and posing about ? Why repeatedly nag and pester for a ticket he won’t use ? One Nation’s childish political grandstanding.
And after all that, what can he do with his hard won ticket ?
Why, sell it on Ebay – of course.